How to deal with a spouse starting AFF?

[cderham 0]

Well after being around the sport for 18 years my wife decided to start AFF this weekend. She has made a static line 16 years ago and done 3 tandems over the years. Now this was all just sudden. She has talked over the last couple years about getting her pilots license but decided this weekend at the DZ she wants to give it a shot. And as a couch I was watching her training from afar and she is doing well in her ground training. No jump yet because of weather yesterday but is on the book for next weekend.

Now I am starting to get that pit in my stomach. I know couples that skydive together but all have met thru skydiving. My wife travels with me to DZ's and boogies almost every weekend for the last 12 years. So the idea of her jumping excites me all thou how do I deal with the what ifs. I have had some close calls over my years of jumping and now it scares me to think she might have some of them.

Is there anyone out there who has had to deal with the same issues? I will support her with her decissions of jumping or if she feels like after Level 1 it's just not for her fine. I actually look forward to making some skydives together just how do I tame the other parts of watching a student that is my wife make some of the normal student bonehead mistakes without losing my lunch or freaking out.

Edit add: I guess I should say that she has seen and been involved in some of the sports bad times as well. Worked medical at WFFC for years. We have lost friends and mentors. Her family (Dad and Brother) are skydivers. And she work in a trauma medical field.

Chris
It's Jimmy Time!!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Team-Fast-As-Fuck/6099474213

[AggieDave 6]

My wife started jumping after we met. We sort of met because of skydiving (one of my student's roommates), but she had not jumped prior.

Through my experience I will say to be completely hands off from your spouse's training. You may not even want to be around (even just watching from afar) when she does her first couple of jumps. Pass her off to an instructor you trust and let them complete the instruction. That will put less pressure on her, in an already stressful training environment.

All you can do is help her get the best gear she can have, an AAD and the rest of the gear that she would need. That helps eliminate concerns on that end. Beyond that, if you have children, you may want to discuss if you are or not going to be on the same jump plane together.

Once she's through AFF and on her coached jumps, get her a really solid RW coach. My wife went to Mark Futch, who is a top notch local RW coach. She then went to Scott Miller for canopy control. Giving her the best instruction that she could have. That helped ease my concerns. Enough that when we go to boogies or other DZs, I'll go play with swoop pond and she'll go do RW. I still look for her canopy, if I'm on the load or on the ground, though.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[mutumbo 0]

How do you think SHE felt all those years while you were throwing yourself out of planes while she sat on the ground? Judging from the fact that shes been to the DZ with you "every weekend for the last 12 years" shows some pretty good loyalty and support. If i were you id ask her how she dealt with it over the years.

Either way, if she wants to do it, just get her the best set of gear out there, the best coach, and tell her you think its great shes jumping.

Thanatos340(on landing rounds)--
Landing procedure: Hand all the way up, Feet and Knees Together and PLF soon as you get bitch slapped by a planet.

[rehmwa 2]

Don't help, stay away, let her learn. You may be the best 'couch' at the DZ, but she'll learn better from anyone other than her spouse. This applies until she gets through several hundred jumps and is able to objectively recognize your skills as a good jumper and not just the husband.

It sucks at first - it's YOUR sport, and YOUR friends, and YOURs private thing. Now it's hers as well and as a new student she'll be over eager about it like everyone else.

It gets great pretty fast, though once she decides if it's a temporary or a permanent thing for her to do.

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

[NWFlyer 2]

I think AggieDave provides some good guidance on how involved (or not) to stay in her training process. It sounds like your wife is coming to skydiving with a lot more information about and understanding of the risks of the sport than most new jumpers, and is entering it on her own terms, not to make you happy or because she wants to spend more time with you. I think those are all positive things for any new entrant to the sport.

More than anything, while I think you can offer guidance and advice, it'll be good to let her find her own way in the sport as well. Talk to her about how she wants to approach things so she doesn't feel like you're blowing her off if you don't jump with her, but I'd encourage her to start to make her own risk assessments; to find people to jump with other than you, (in other words, once she's onto coach jumps or has her A license, don't feel like you have to jump with her every time or find jump buddies for her), to figure out what she likes in the sport (which may or may not end up being the same things that you like). Your natural instinct may be to try to protect her and put her in bubble wrap, but ask yourself if you'd feel that way about any other new student, and think about backing off if you see yourself going overboard because she's your wife.

My SO and I have been together for over 4 years now; we both skydive and both came to it on our own (we were both around 100-jump wonders when we started dating). We've gone in different directions in the sport so we actually don't jump together that often, and depending on what each of us wants to do on a particular weekend we'll often end up at different DZs. When we are on the DZ together we keep an eye out for each other but for the most part do our own thing and have a great time doing it. I'm used to an independent skydiving experience and don't think that I'd be comfortable with an SO who felt like he needed to shepherd my career in any way. We bounce ideas off each other and provide advice, but ultimately each of us makes our own skydiving choices.

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how do I deal with the what ifs. I have had some close calls over my years of jumping and now it scares me to think she might have some of them.

Same way you deal with all the what-ifs in your marriage. What if she gets cancer? What if she gets in a bad car accident? What if she gets abducted by aliens?

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[airtwardo 7]

What if she gets abducted by aliens?







~What if they send her BACK?!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[skybytch 273]

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We bounce ideas off each other and provide advice, but ultimately each of us makes our own skydiving choices.

Us too.

Doing so requires both parties to respect the other person's experience(s), regardless of who has more jumps/time in sport/ratings/etc. You've always been the expert on skydiving in your relationship, but there will be things that she will experience that you haven't. Listen to and learn from her as much or more than you explain things to her.

And have fun. imho, you just can't beat getting to do a no-pressure fun jump with your best friend.

[topdocker 0]

Actually, watching my wife go through AFF a few years back wasn't too bad. But it was much harder to watch her go to the DZ as a low-timer and try to get some jumps in. That stage where you have just under a hundred jumps, some skills, but no way are you getting asked onto loads. The loads she did get on with other low timers turned into zoo loads and scared her off a bit.

Just be supportive, help her through those times where the sport is tough on a person. Being on a load and watching her have a mal in front of me was a very interesting experience, but she handled it great!

Oh yeah, keep an eye on your gear! Suddenly, that spare altiimeter I had was being used, and my canopy was coveted for years until I finally gave it up!

Get used to hearing the words, "love dive" from your buddies when you do a two way with her!

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Jump more, post less!

[pirana 0]

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What if she gets abducted by aliens?







~What if they send her BACK?!

Catch and release, heh?

" . . . the lust for power can be just as completely satisfied by suggesting people into loving their servitude as by flogging them and kicking them into obedience." -- Aldous Huxley

[cderham 0]

When she mentioned Saturday morning on the drive to the DZ my first words to her where: " Please don't be offended or think I am ignoring you but I will not be involved in your training. I will be glad to help you if you ask me but I want you to learn everything from someone else." She knew exactly what I was saying. She tried to teach me the proper way to give her a shot one time. Needless to say she has one of her friends from work give her the shot now when she needs it. I have set her up with great AFF instructors she knows and loves as friends and our DZ family. She did ask me if I would go with her and video the jump from outside video. I even double checked with her to make sure she was sure she could focus on everything she needed if I was there. I had already booked a tunnel trip this winter and now am getting ready to add more time for her. As well as looking into another couple of trips before spring for us.

Us jumping together is not an issue either. We had a friend start jumping this year was involved with the conversations on why he could not go freefly with us when he got his A license. We have plenty of up jumpers at our dropzone that will be glad to jump with her. And I am not concerned with the fact that she is invading "my" sport because technically it was her family that introduced me to it and most of our friends in skydiving have been just that OUR friends.

We disscussed everything more in detail as well on the drive home last night. And she knows how I am about safety and "stupid A license ideas" She evn told me before I brought it up that she expects me to look at her as another student on the DZ and if I make an observation then I need to point it out to her. Now I have to remember that in that situation I am dealing with a student and not my wife.

I also know how she has felt for all those years worrying about me when I was going thru student status and downsizing to a new canopy. But as she has seen how I have been able to handle myself in situations and my progression twords everything is slow and steady not jumping in feet first. Her anxiety for me jumping has lessened. Hell she was the one that bought me my first Velocity. I will always support her no matter what he decision is. But it is great to get some added insight from jumping couples as we move into one from the jumper and manifest.

Oh yea the kids thing. Ours ar 16,17 and 18. And the 16 year old is pretty pissed that his mom will be licensed before he is. The other two think skydiving is cool but know it's not for them. Hell our 18 year old still pukes pulling into the parking lot at Six Flags. lol

Thanks everyone! Please keep your experiences coming.

Chris
It's Jimmy Time!!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Team-Fast-As-Fuck/6099474213

[Tiger6513 0]

My girlfriend and I are going through AFF jump for jump, we have level 5,6 & 7 left. I will say that it is really sweet to be breaking into the sport with someone you know closely. Skydiving is an amazing sport!. but waiting around a DZ all damn day because the weather is a touch off... and then not jumping ... sucks! I personally enjoy being on the DZ with at least 1 person I can relate to and chill with. I am sure many of you remember trying to break into this sport... not easy when you have less than 10,20,50.. 100 jumps. Sitting around gazing at the sky and wind socks surrounded by people who don't know you yet and can be a bit reluctant to randomly strike up a conversation, it's nice to start with someone you know.
... besides most games require 2 or more people, we bring a football,frisbee, softball, cornhole, and DelMarva has horseshoes lol

Travis Roy Foundation. At very least its a tax write off

[rehmwa 2]

Later on, it doesn't hurt to take a discipline that you are NOT good at and the two of you can learn it together. It's a fun way to jump together.

I'm very good at RW (so is she), and but only functional at FF (and she's brand new at it) - so we FF together a lot because it's new for both of us to be doing the next new skill and neither really have anything over the other on it. It's also fun to see the other get good right in front of each other even over a single weekend.

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

[pirana 0]

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It's also fun to see the other get good right in front of each other . . .

Criminy, that line is aching for wiseguy comments so bad. Must . . . . behave . . . .

" . . . the lust for power can be just as completely satisfied by suggesting people into loving their servitude as by flogging them and kicking them into obedience." -- Aldous Huxley

[Tiger6513 0]

I can't wait to keep jumping and learning! We have a ways to go even before we fly togather but what an amazing experience it is!

Travis Roy Foundation. At very least its a tax write off

[VideoFly 0]

When I was married, I enjoyed jumping with my wife. However, I left a lot of the instruction, coaching, and advice to her instructors. Wit our kids in mind, I occasionally worried about an airplane problem with both of us on the same load, but never had a problem. As far as worrying about safety, I think I worry more about my son when he jumps than I did with my wife. Maybe that’s part of the reason we are no longer married.

[Baksteen 84]

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Through my experience I will say to be completely hands off from your spouse's training. You may not even want to be around (even just watching from afar) when she does her first couple of jumps.

+1.
DZ.com is an open forum and all that, so I thought really hard before posting this.

My Gf started SL when I had just obtained my HI-rating.
We both felt that it would be best if I wouldn't touch her FJC and progression with a 20 foot pole. But being from a small DZ remaining completely uninvolved is kinda hard to achieve.
Even if you're not on duty at the time and mrely fun jumping, you got the rating so you help out when necessary. But I reckon that every coach/instructor can relate to that.
Due to limited staff being available I had to JM a load she was in during her second jump. It was also the second or third time I JM'd static liners without supervision.

I really could have done without the extra distraction.

Another consideration is what another poster already mentioned: favouritism.
While trying not to put her ahead of other students, you also have to be damned careful not to [neglect? slight? what's the word?] her compared to other students.
I found myself confronted with that after having to sign off a jump that someone else had JM'd.He had to rush for the next load (no time for debriefs) but given me (the only other available HI at that time) some stuff to tell her.
I found myself staring at her logbook thinking 'Should I OK her for progressing to dummy pulls? What will others think if they see the two last signatures are mine? Am I favouriting/slighting her? What would I write down for any other student, based on what I read here, saw the previous time and what the other HI told me?'

I didn't really doubt my judgement or even other peoples perception of my judgement - but those thoughts did flash through my mind briefly.

In the end I OK'd her (acting on the last thought), but made damn sure I wasn't the one to brief her AND that I wasn't even manifested/at the LZ when she was ready to go back up.

"That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport."
~mom